Some of you may have been drawn to this reading because you KNOW you are a people pleaser and are suffering and others of you simply may have happened upon this, to which I say, there are no mistakes. : )
What is People Pleasing? People Pleasing is a behavior pattern in which the said ‘Pleaser’ lives life based on pleasing others. Ignoring how they themselves feel, truly and authentically, they make decisions based on how others will feel, or respond to them. This behavior is usually created out of a desire to protect oneself, to be accepted and approved of, even though it appears to be for the other person’s benefit. You may also be known as the Peacemaker. Keeping the peace no matter what it costs you personally. Stemming from fear and low self esteem or confidence, this behavior only depletes confidence and esteem even more.
Some basic examples of People Pleasing behavior may show up as saying Yes, when you want to say No. Or the opposite, saying No when you want to say Yes, too afraid to share your true feelings. Not being able to make a decision out of fear of what others may think of you. Family, friends or even strangers. This behavior carries over well into adulthood and before you know it, you are of the age where you feel you can’t seem to figure out what is going on, but you know something is just not right.
The first step in walking yourself out of people pleasing behavior is to simply recognize that you are doing this and where you are doing this. For a while, it may feel overwhelming. You may see it in every relationship and circumstance in your current life. Once you become aware, there’s no ignoring it. This is ok. If you have a trusted friend, partner, or counselor/therapist you can talk to, this will help you lighten the load by talking it out. The first part of any change is awareness and feeling the pain of what we’ve created.
Start creating new behavior patterns with the ones you can trust and that will love and support you through this journey. This is not always the ones we think they will be, that is ok too. Start by practicing sharing how you truly feel about something. In the beginning, it helps to say things like, “you know I love you and I hope you can understand this but…..”. Or something of that nature. It is in a way, still setting the stage for peace, but opening the door for a more authentic conversation. You will begin to strengthen yourself and this will roll over into other areas.
Once you have awareness and have begun practicing, you will discover a new energy within yourself of a positive vibration, a new sense of possibility and you will not want to go back. You will have opportunities all over the place to utilize this new found way of being and although it may feel really different and even terrifying at times, committing to yourself and knowing that you can truly only be of service when you are honest will strengthen you to take necessary steps and speak up.
This can be done from a place of love and kindness. It may not feel like that in the beginning because you’ve thought what you’ve been doing your whole life was out of love and kindness, it was really for protection and approval. At first there may be a reaction to blame others for taking advantage of you, or for whatever it appears “they are doing”. It is imperative to remember that “they” haven’t done anything different. You are the one undergoing personal transformation and your new behavior may upset some people. Understand that “Everything Affects Everything..”. If you do make one small change in yourself and your life, you will see some effects. Get clear on your intentions in yourself and your life and know that you can live honestly, authentically and from a place of love and the only approval you need comes from within.
1. Awareness
2. Start where there is support and encouragement
3. Know you can make these changes in a loving and kind way, committing to yourself
I hope this helps get you started on a new journey. You will be so glad to use your energy in more creative, fulfilling ways and help others also!
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